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Bar Jokes
I'm Only Tribute Drinking
A man moves from Ireland to New York City, leaving two of his best friends behind to make it in America. To keep their tradition of nightly drinks alive, every night he goes into an Irish-style pub and orders three pints. The bartender, after a month of this, becomes curious, and asks the man what he's doing. Touched by the story, the bartender has the 3 pints ready for the man every time he comes in. One day, the man tells the bartender to only give him 2 pints.
"My condolences, " says the bartender, thinking that one of the man's friends has died.
"No, no, " says the man, "they're both still alive. I've just quit drinking." ***
Juggling Test
A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
"Sir, " the cop says. "Why do you have all knives?"
"They're for my juggling act, " the man says.
"I don't believe you, " says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.
"Man, " says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."
***
Just Keep Drinking!
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, "Quick pour me twelve drinks."
So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, "Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast."
The guys says, "Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what I've got."
The bartender says, "What've you got?"
The guy says, "75 cents."
***
The Pirate
S A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel over his crotch. He walks up to the bartender. The bartender thinks it's kind of strange for this pirate to be walking around let alone with a steering wheel over his crotch. So he asks the pirate, "Hey pirate, what's with the steering wheel over your crotch?"
The pirate says, "Aargh, it's driving me nuts!"
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." |
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| Required Reading |
| Forget textbooks! Get Maxim, Rolling Stone, GQ, and more! |
| Your Pad |
| Get posters, blacklights, and candles to decorate your place! |
| Drinking Devices |
| You will not find these in Wal-Mart. Get the party started with these necessities! |
| Everything Sexual |
| Edible body paints, condoms and everything else you need! |
| Customized Items |
| Customized shirts, mugs, and hats for your fraternity, sorority, or group! |
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