Everything You Wanted to Know About Writing a Paper

But were afraid to ask

Papers written for this course should meet college-level standards. The following are some simple suggestions to help you write better.

  1. Give yourself enough time. A paper should be in rough form several days before the due date; you will then have sufficient time to revise the paper, proofread, check your footnotes or references, and overcome the inevitable computer glitch.

2. Give the paper to at least two friends (preferable friends who know English). Have them proofread, make suggestions, and question the content. Consider these comments. Then, revise the paper.

3. Read the paper aloud. Mark sections that do not sound right. Then revise the paper. Then...

II. Grammatique: Some blunderful rules of English grammar.

1. Get rid of contractions such as "don't" and "won't." They ain't such a good idea for academic papers.

2. The word "this" should clearly refer to a subject that precedes it. Avoid this wherever possible.

3. Beware of the pronoun "they." Use it only when it refers to a plural subject. A person never knows when they might misuse it.

4. Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.

5. No sentence fragments.

6. It behooves us to avoid archaisms.

7. Do not use no double negatives.

8. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

9. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

10. Beware of jargon. If you are not cognitively aware of the nature of jargon, let's interface about it sometime.

11. The passive voice should be avoided. Otherwise, your meaning may be understood by you will not know by whom.

12. Avoid commas, that are not necessary.

13. Writing carefully, dangling participles should not be used.

14. Kill all exclamation points!!!

15. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

16. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

17. Take the bull by the hand and do not mix metaphors.

18. Do not verb nouns.

19. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.  

20. Never use comma splices, they are two complete sentences joined by a comma.

21. Beware of its (=possessive vs. it's = it is). Its hard to tell what you mean when you use it incorrectly.

22. Check the spelling. Most word-prosessors have a spell-cheker. Useit. A college-level paper shood be free from typografical errors. Excessive errors will be penulized.

23. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.