(To be sung to the tune of "The Twelve days of Christmas")

On the first day of research,
My Prof he said to me,
Make us a cup of tea

On the second day of research,
My Prof he said to me,
Who the hell are you?
Make us a cup of tea  

On the third day of research
My Prof he said to me,
Tutor three new students
who the hell are you?
Make us a cup of tea

On the fourth day of research
My Prof he said to me,
Fabricate some data
Tutor three new students
who the hell are you?
Make us a cup of tea

On the fifth day of research
My Prof he said to me,
TAKE an MSc
Fabricate some data
Tutor three new students
Who the hell are you?
Make us a cup of tea

On the sixth day of research
My Prof he said to me,
Plagiarise some papers
TAKE an MSc
Fabricate some data
Tutor three new students
Who the hell are you?
Make us a cup of tea

On the seventh day of research
My Prof he said to me
Go to Summer school
Plagiarise some papers
TAKE an MSc
Fabricate some data
Tutor three new students
Who the hell are you
Make us a cup of tea

On the eighth day of research
My Prof he said to me
Get some bloody funding
Go to summer school
Plagiarise some papers
TAKE an MSc
Fabricate some data
Tutor three new students
Who the hell are you?
Make us a cup of tea

On the ninth day of research
My Prof he said to me  
No I haven't read it
Get some bloody funding
go to summer school
Plagiarise some papers
TAKE an MSc
Fabricate some data
Tutor three new students
Who the hell are you?
Make us a cup of tea

On the tenth day of research
My Prof he said to me
Where's your bloody thesis
No I haven't read it
Get some bloody funding
Go to summer school
Plagiarise some papers
TAKE an MSc
Fabricate some data
Tutor three new students
Who the hell are you?
Make us a cup of tea

On the eleventh day of research
My Prof he said to me
Pull yourself together
Where's your bloody thesis
No I haven't read it
Get some bloody funding
Go to Summer school
Plagiarise some papers
TAKE an MSc
Fabricate some data
Tutor three new students
Who the hell are you?
Make us a cup of tea

On the first day of research
My Prof he said to me:
AT LEAST YOU'VE GOT YOUR B S C.