This is one of those parties that really needs no explanation and the title of the party should be sufficient to indicate what it is that happens. However, as is our habit, we feel a need to explain and elaborate this most basic of ideas. Perhaps not so much for your benefit as reader, but for ourselves. It is a bit of a challenge to see what we can come up with to say about a party that nearly everyone in the world has an idea of, except perhaps the Buddhist Monks of Nepal. So for their benefit and ours, here we go.
A Keg Party is the perhaps the most basic and popular of all parties. That is, you are much more likely to be invited to a keg party than you are say, a Naked party. Why is this you may ask? Simply because a Keg Party takes very little planning and preparation. All you need is a place to have the party, some friends to make it a party, and of course a keg. When we say a keg we are actually referring to a 1/2 barrel. Full kegs are not allowed in the state that we live in, if they are in yours then more power and more drinking to you.
Many Keg Parties are held either outdoors or else in a basement. For reasons of cleanliness it is much easier this way as it can create quite a sticky mess. For some reason keg beer has a tendency to be spilt much more than beer in a can or bottle . We don't know exactly why this is. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that with a keg the beer supply seems limitless. This of course is untrue, but it seemed like a good reason. To properly care for a keg one should place them in a large trash barrel, preferably a plastic one, and fill up all remaining space around the keg with ice. For an added measure, a ratty old blanket can be placed over the top to help keep the cold in. Truly industrious keg keepers will sacrifice the lid to their trash can and cut a hole in it allowing the tap to stick out through the top. If you are lucky enough to have some extra money, official plastic or foam keg keepers are available for rent in some areas. Which ever way you chose, make sure the keg stay's cold. There is nothing worse than warm keg beer, except perhaps watery orange juice. You may also wish to name your keg, it's a more intimate way of relating with your keg. Love your keg, and it will never do you wrong. WARNING:A silly name will infuriate your keg causing negative vibes and a hostile environment.
Make sure that you have plenty of cups available for use by all of your guests. A good way to help recover your costs is to charge each guest a reasonable amount for the use of a cup. This method can also be expanded into a rather entertaining way to pay your rent , your phone bill and your credit cards. However, if you wish to do this, and suggestions for doing so include selling 400 tickets to party at a house that can only realistically hold 50 people or by simply selling tickets to a party you never intend on having, make sure to have several large, burly, lumber jack type buddies to protect you against the rage of disgruntled ticket buyers. Make sure that those true party goers that like to bring their own cups pay along with everyone else. Just because they are not using one of your cups is no reason to be overly generous. Again, if they refuse to pay, it is nice to have the aforementioned large, burly, lumber jack type guys around for persuation.
Keg Parties can be held for absolutely no reason at all except as something to do. Also they are great at anytime of the year, that is unless you want to have an outdoor party in January when it is 3 degrees outside. If this is the case then you have problems and should immediately consult with a physician.
KEG STAND: Keg Parties allow for any type of game to be played and, with such a ready supply of beverage, can often lead to many different games being played. One favorite of ours is not really a game at all but a test of will. This would be the KEG STAND. All one really needs is a keg, a stop watch, at least three people other than the drinker, and a wiffle ball bat to discipline the weaker drinkers. Actually, upon reflection, forget the bat. The drinker is held aloft above the keg, head pointed towards the ground, balancing himself by using the handles on the side of the keg while two other party goers hold his legs steady in the air. A third non-drinking participant places the nozzle of the tap into the drinkers mouth, letting fly with a dam bursting flow of barley and hops. As the drinker sucks beer from the nozzle in much the same manner a babe sucks the very nectar of life from the nipple of it's mother, the nozzle operator uses the stop watch to time this monumental event. When the drinker has had enough he or she should signal the nozzle man to cut the flow of beer. The drinker may accomplish this by A.) shaking violently B.) vomiting or C.) dropping off into an oxygen depravation induced coma. The author's strongly suggest method A. Two or three rounds of Keg Stands involving all the party participants will often lead to guaranteed big fun and or several rounds of group vomiting. The truth is that it's probably a good idea to have a keg at just about every type of party, but at least now the monks know what the hell everybody else is doing with their free time.
Music: Anything loud and raunchy. Much like the schmegma that can be found on the floor of a basement that has hosted a keg party!
Drink: Duh! Get a life! What's wrong with you! Were your mother and father, like, previously related?
Food: Food? Who needs food? Beer is food.
Location: Try to avoid having it at your house. If you can't then try to have it outside. | 
