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You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when....
1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.
5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.
6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.
9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.
10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you landscape.
11. Your family always knows where you are.
12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".
13. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened.
14. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
15. All of your friends have an @ in their names.
16. Your dog has its own home page.
17. You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.
18. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
19. You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
20. You get a new suit that says, "This best viewed with Netscape 4.01 or higher."
21. The last girl you asked out was only a jpeg.
22. Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
23. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!
24. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
25. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
26. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
27. You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you.
28. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
29. When you go home after a long day at work, you still answer the phone in a business manner.
30. Your company's welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
31. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
32. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
33. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes.
34. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
35. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, while you have time to go to lunch while yours boots up.
36. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers."
37. You got this e-mail from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net.
38. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
39. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends."
40. It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you don't have time to check so you forward it anyway.
***
Warning Signs of Insanity for Programmers:
1. You stay up all night coding only to realize that you haven't had any caffeine in about 6 hours.
2. You wonder why on earth anyone would make a programming language conform to such absolutely bizarre rules of grammar but in a strange way it actually begins to make sense.
3. You start dreaming in recursion (if you have any time to dream).
4. You realize not only is it daytime but your project is due in 2 hours, which isn't enough time to even begin running it.
5. You start customizing your environment because you want it "just right" (and because further work on the program is futile).
6. You wonder when the invasion will begin.
7. You understand #8.
8. You start signing your name in octal (or binary) just because.
9. You know more programming commands than actual words.
10. You realize that you have reached the end, and there is no closing command. |
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| Required Reading |
| Forget textbooks! Get Maxim, Rolling Stone, GQ, and more! |
| Your Pad |
| Get posters, blacklights, and candles to decorate your place! |
| Drinking Devices |
| You will not find these in Wal-Mart. Get the party started with these necessities! |
| Everything Sexual |
| Edible body paints, condoms and everything else you need! |
| Customized Items |
| Customized shirts, mugs, and hats for your fraternity, sorority, or group! |
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